I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
