Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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