i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
