i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
