Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
