You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
