If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
