So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
