dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
