You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
