I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
