trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
