I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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