You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
