halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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