u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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