I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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