On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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