It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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