whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
