You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
