My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
