Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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