My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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