I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
