we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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