Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
