Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
