Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we have officially lost it.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
