she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You're like the curious george of whores
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
