All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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