Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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