I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
