His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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