I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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