Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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