can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
