well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
