elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
