my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
