You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
