If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
