new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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