I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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