it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
