im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
