we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
