yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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