My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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