Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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