I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
