he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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