hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
