They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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