..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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