I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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