i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
