Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
