The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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