hell yes lets make some ravioli
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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