3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
