I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
