get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
