she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The air was thick with penises
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.