It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE