I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
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I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
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I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless