He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
