Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
