Got a toothbrush?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
