A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
