and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit