3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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