So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16