Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves