At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.